Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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