her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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