is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
