how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
