Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
