I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
