I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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