did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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