I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
