As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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