I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
