last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
