he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
