can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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