the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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