Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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