oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
