U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
