he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
