im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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