in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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