if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
