I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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