I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
