so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
