your thong is hanging out like whoa
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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