Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Randomize
