I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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