I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
