I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
