Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
