Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
