your thong is hanging out like whoa
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
