Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
