Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
