btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
