new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
