ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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