he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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