There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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