This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
