his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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