Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
