I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Yo dont text me then not text me
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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