yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
