i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just cut my nipple shaving
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I lost the right to judge tonight
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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