My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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