I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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