I wish I could punch you in the face.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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