and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
