they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
that may or may not have been my penis.
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